


everything changes

by Criscpi



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: M/M, POV Robbe IJzermans, POV Sander Driesen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26406214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Criscpi/pseuds/Criscpi
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 26
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

It was about to start my last year of university. One last effort and finally we would all officially enter the adult world.  
Not that we were so eager: and it wasn't a question of responsibility, but simply that my study group had gradually become a real family. Saying goodbye would have been difficult, even though we knew that everyone had different desires in matter of art.

Being an artist had always been my dream: it was the only way that allowed me to transform my thoughts, always so active and always so cumbersome, into something beautiful, unique, that could give a message to those like me who had the burden of having to deal with a mental illness every day.  
Being bipolar was now something that was part of me: although I tried to accept it, I often hated myself and the fate that had given me this "gift".  
My study group was so tight-knit that I couldn't drown myself in hate for a situation that I couldn't change, making it a strength most of the time, a characteristic of Sander Driesen.  
That's why leaving that environment would have been complicated for me... that's why at the beginning of this year I didn't experience it as an exciting event but as a song full of nostalgia, as something that was inevitably going to end.  
I was trying to focus my attention on the positive things that would come up and the subjects that I would then have to include in my final exam.

The reunion with the others was in the usual place, the same as always, underneath the sycamore tree just outside the Academy porter's lodge.

"Hey Sander!"  
"Hey guys... everyone ready to get started?"  
"I don't know, honey, especially with the latest scoop..."

"Noor what scoop are you talking about?"  
Noor comes out of the street like a leprechaun looking for a prey to play pranks on:  
"The anatomy teacher is pregnant and she is at home. We will have a substitute teacher this year!"  
"You will understand what a scoop... perhaps we can solve it more easily... Sander everything ok?"

In the meantime I start kicking the bench...  
"Damn, no that's not good, I had already agreed via email with the teacher my intentions for this year. Do you say that I will have to review everything?"  
Noor approaches him: although our story lasted only a few months, Noor still felt a deep affection for me and I for her.  
"Everything will be all right Sander, maybe the teacher will pass all the info to that  
or the new one... and you are already an enormous connoisseur of human anatomy, in your library in your room you will have at least a dozen books on this subject!  
However the scoop is that the father of the child seems to be another professor. Married. This is why the maternity will do it at home "  
Noor and her thirst for gossip... nothing could escape her.  
She was my best friend and to her I was a transparent sheet of paper. Lying to her would have been useless.

It was time to go and check all the schedules for the next few months.  
"Come on, guys, let's talk about it at lunch about the strange intricacies inside the university!"  
The truth was that I wanted to go and check as soon as possible when I would have my first anatomy lesson to see if I could have an interview with the new teacher before classes started.

The day was over; I was going to see the teacher on Friday morning, the most complicated day since on Thursday I had to play with the group in a new club in the center.  
But I would have made it: I was fine, the drugs were working and that Friday I would have gone to class despite my sleep.  
But then I had promised myself that I would sleep until the following Monday to get back to sleep.

"Hello Noor? Tonight is the concert, what are you doing coming? But of course you can bring whoever you want, I called you for another reason: what the hell am I going to wear tonight? New club. New pieces. And a desire to find someone to have fun with until tomorrow morning."

Noor knew my tastes and also everything that my closet offered: "black tank top and leather pants... a classic that always remains perfect.  
And then when you dress in black during concerts you are always very sexy, trust me".

After the sound check I drink a beer, my only beer of the evening before I start playing with my new guitar.  
She and I were still getting acquainted, but I felt that tonight she was going to follow my every move on her metal strings.

The evening was going great, people were full of energy and before the concert I went to the bar counter to ask for water.  
Someone was sitting next to me: at first I don't notice it but then when I look up I notice a guy, a little older than me, with a breathtaking beauty.  
I knew that this was going to be a special evening, but this one... the guy turns around, looks at me and smiles.  
I am so ecstatic that I hurry to the stage: my heart is racing, I need my guitar to calm down.

The concert ends and I feel better.  
Playing is a bit like painting for me: it puts my crazy fragments back in separate rows.  
I stay with the band on the track to have some fun and get a little wild.  
The handsome dark-haired guy talks to a lot of people and I keep an eye on him all night long, even when I squint my eyes to make the music talk, I let that little bit of light that enters my eyes have that wonderful face inside of it that doesn't seem to take my eyes off me.  
The feeling of being looked at by him enters me so deeply that I don't understand anything else except the deep desire to know him.  
At a certain point I realize that he starts talking to Noor: I become so jealous of her that I turn around and try to change my perspective.  
I keep dancing: the others are all drunk, I check and I see Noor kissing with a security guy, while her friends are giggling looking around: relieved that she has not chosen "my" boy, I look for him almost desperately, not having the slightest idea where he is.

Shortly afterwards two hands take me by the hips: without saying anything the most handsome guy on the planet turns me around and looking at me kisses me. His tongue is soft and moves elegantly inside my mouth: he is in no hurry, as often happens with this kind of meetings; then his lips move on my neck and I feel that I am about to cross the gates of Paradise.  
I indulge him, holding my hand on his head and I also taste his skin and smell the scent coming from his hair.

He takes me by the hand and takes me behind the stage.  
By now there is no one there, only the musical instruments ready to be loaded onto the van.  
I let myself go as I haven't done for a long time: I allow him to study me,  
to touch me to the limit of decency in a public place.

He detaches, after an infinite time and I already feel that the touch of his lips and hands miss me as if they were the only things that can keep me alive from now on:

"I want to see you again"  
He says in my ear  
I take an indelible marker that lies alone on the floor, I lift his shirt and between a kiss above the navel and one underneath I write my phone number.  
"Don't make me wait too long"  
"Believe me, I won't"

That night I go to bed with the conviction that I will sleep a few hours but I will sleep deeply because tonight I was sure I had kissed an angel.


	2. Robbe POV

Receiving a call and finding yourself with a new job is a unique experience.   
A sudden motherhood will block the anatomy professor of the Art Academy and they had chosen me. Just me.   
A little younger than all the guys I should teach.  
I was excited: after talking to the teacher to understand exactly what to do and how to move around the different courses, here I am crossing the threshold of the school:   
The students will arrive only tomorrow and I was there because I had to sign some documents and see the material already present so that I could eventually expand the program and organize the lessons.

It wasn't the same school as mine, but going back to a university had triggered old feelings and memories: life as a university student had given me a lot of good things: new friends, old friends more mature and ready to accept me without continuing to make fun of me with affection, new loves... but of the latter, still no one who had really stolen my heart.  
The scent of those places was swarming with beautiful sensations.  
I felt that it was going to be a great year. 

Once everything was settled, I decided that tonight I had to celebrate: I organized an outing with the brothers and we found a different place to test in terms of cocktails, kindness, spaces and people.

"Tonight what about a new place in the center ... it seems to be a  
Interesting place"  
"Aaron, are you sure? Because, the last  
Interesting place you have chosen  
It wasn't exactly memorable"  
"I guarantee you guys, tonight also there is a band playing. I would go there"

The evenings with them ended more or less all like this: we would go in, drink a beer while they told each other about the more and the less laughing and joking, and then they would swoop onto the dance floor hoping to find someone to at least kiss with for the rest of the evening.   
I, on the other hand, preferred to wait. I didn't care to get there first, to be with someone even if only for a few hours: it wasn't a game, maybe it never was: I wanted to hear the other one and I was tired of starting pseudo-relationships in clubs that I often regretted after a few minutes.

At the counter someone sits next to me and asks for water: really? In such a place you drink water? I turn around and see a work of art that is breathing and talking: I had never been in the presence of an otherworldly creature before.

I turn around thinking that maybe I'm looking at him too much, but I feel his gaze on me and he doesn't stop looking at me so I turn around and smile at him.  
He sketches a smile and leaves.  
The only thing my head did was to repeat: "You have to find him".

The concert starts a few minutes later and he is on that stage giving warmth to my breath.  
The way he held the guitar, his eyes concentrated and half-closed...  
That drop of sweat that slipped from his temple toward his neck...   
If it weren't for the common sense that was blocking me, I would have gotten on that stage and kissed him in front of everyone... 

When the live music ends the one on the dance floor starts: everyone starts dancing and I’m here staring at him and ask only that one person to look at me and only me.  
And he does it and I am drawn to him like a damn magnet.

"Sander eh?"  
A girl with a perfect face with a black helmet approaches me:   
"From the way he looks at you he has also chosen you...what are you doing not trying?"  
"Should I trust him? “  
"I am the closest person to a sister  
that he has... trust me, it's worth it..."  
And as he winks at me he runs into the arms of a very muscular Security boy.

I wait a few minutes and then I take courage and come closer... I take his hips and turn him towards me: I don't wait for any answer, I simply kiss him, tasting every microscopic moment: he tastes the best that my mouth has ever tasted.  
I am not satisfied, I need more and so I put my lips behind his ears, on his neck... the music is loud but I can feel the vibrations of the sounds he is emitting.  
His hand is resting on my head and I understand that we are both ready to discover each other; he doesn't stop tasting every discovered part I have so I take him by the hand and carry him behind the stage: nobody takes the initiative more than the other, ours is a dance made of hands, mouths and sighs.   
I had imagined it to be marvelous but so close up it was really beautiful beyond all rules. It was illegal.  
And it was mine. And I would not have lost it for any reason in the world.  
None.

"I want to see you again"  
He lifts up my shirt and as if he hadn't had enough of me yet he kisses me passionately in the navel area, and writes his phone number with an indelible marker  
"Don't make me wait too long"

How could I keep a god waiting?


	3. The last day of my old life

Sander POV

I wake up and I still have adrenaline pumping.   
That guy... there was nothing there  
Better than going back in time.  
I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want to forget even a frame from the night before.  
That feeling had been perfect: not altered by alcohol or anything else, it had been something, but what at first sight? Something. For both of us. I felt it. I was sure of it.

That oneiric journey among the strongest feelings I was knowing, gave me the push to go on with the day.  
Noor was waiting for me under the house and as we were walking to the academy, he told me about the guy he was kissing the night before:  
"I don't know Sander, it was crazy and he was so careful and sweet... we talked a lot and he seems like a really nice guy, but what if it doesn't work out?"  
I wasn't ready for bad feelings. That day only good things should have happened, so I answer you:  
"What if Noor works instead? Why not give him a chance?"

Noor stroked my back and then asked me:   
"What about you?"  
"Me?" I knew exactly where he was going to go with it, I was his favorite transparent sheet of paper...  
"You and the boy with those beautiful curls"  
I feel my emotions get tangled up in my stomach and I almost feel like crying.  
"It was unique. “  
"You looked like you were on your honeymoon."  
"Maybe we were, because even though I know nothing about him, I know for a fact that I found it ."  
"Found it?What?"  
"Love Noor, love"  
That's what it was. Love. That which is talked about so much. And now I understood why.  
It was something so full and warm and fulfilling and unique...

I arrived in front of the anatomy professor's office: I had written to the professor who had assured me about the documentation and so I knew he would do it, but to be sure I had made an appointment with the new professor before the lecture.

"Come in"  
The desk was the same. The millions of sheets scattered on it were not. But it couldn't have been otherwise; the poor man had just arrived and I don't think he had time to fix everything.  
"Have a seat, I'll finish something and I'll be there".  
A voice tells me that , comes from the copier room.

"Thank you, I just wanted to make sure that the documentation I had sent to the teacher for my final exam had arrived ".

When the door opens, his light dazzles me.  
Was I in that room again? Was I dreaming? There he was, my angel looking at me in amazement, making all the papers in his hand fall to the ground...

I don't know what my body was doing, because having seen him had completely silenced my brain.  
I get up in a jiffy and we pick up the sheets of paper together. In silence.   
And as happens in the most classic plots, our hands touch each other, and when that happens, we can no longer pretend nothing has happened. We look at each other without understanding what is happening and why it is happening in that way.  
"It is not possible... “  
"My angel is also my professor"  
"My god will attend my lessons."

We Let our fingers play with each other and we let our thoughts come out loud.  
I can't do it, I have to get close.  
I scroll with my fingers the surface of his face. Everything is like a few hours ago again.  
He also touches me and his delicate touch makes me vibrate every string.   
My thoughts are silent. And for a moment all that terrible thing that I am or could, become vanishes before I touch his eyes. 

The risk is very high.  
Neither of us says anything.  
I caress him and in doing so,I almost start crying.  
"I'm off, see you in class."  
"We have to talk about it, you know..."  
"Not now, I can't make it..."  
He nods and kisses my forehead, and I embrace him tightly to reassure myself that he will not vanish.  
I go out and meet Noor, who opens the door, sees and closes it quickly, running towards me...  
"Sander. Sander wait"  
"What should I wait for Noor? I am so angry with the universe".

"You can cry, but in the meantime listen to me.  
Did he refuse you? Was he rude?"  
"An angel cannot be rude...he, we...I don't think we will be able to be separated..."  
"So?"  
"Noor as then? If we get caught he loses his job and I will have to redo the semester.   
I am in no condition to face it without you. The idea terrifies me."  
"Sander, the fear is clouding your brain. This isn't 1900, okay? A solution can be found and in any case it is a semester."  
"That is, should I watch him from a distance and work with him for six months and then ask him out?"  
"Sander god, what a big head. You can continue to see each other while being careful. And trying not to be conspicuous at least here at the university. Snakes also circulate in peaceful places like this one".

"I will think about it. “  
"Now let's go, wash your face and go to class. What lesson do we have now?"

"Anatomy" I answer lapidary

"Fuck"  
"Yes. Fuck"

The lesson begins. He enters leaving all around an aura that makes my head spin. He is serious, like all Professors. Then he looks at us students.  
He looks at every single person present then looks at me and the smile that he had already sketched expands. I would die for that smile, I wish he would never stop smiling. And his lesson begins for real.  
He introduces himself. His name is Robbe Jizerman and that's the first thing I write on the paper.  
Next to a heart. Do I feel stupid? No. I just feel in love, powerfully and hopelessly in love m: in this corner of the classroom there is only me with my emotions exploding inside me. 

His passion for the subject is immediately clear, he has a perfect preparation for being so young.   
The minutes pass without any of us noticing and in a moment his lesson ends. As he arranges some slides he asks attention for some alerts:  
"....finally I have seen that some of you have chosen this subject for their final exam... to two of you I have already sent some advice while... Mr. Driesen?"

God is calling me. I must not blush   
"Professor I'm here"  
"I know it's the first day and we met  
an hour ago, but if it was not a problem for you would you come to my office around 5 pm?   
Your work is complex and needs to be seen in person".  
"No problem"  
"Well, have a good day, everyone."

Positive note in all this mess: I was going to see him again in a few hours.   
A few, less than eight. Practically an eternity but I would have made it.  
We agreed with Noor we would only talk about this story on the phone from now on.

The day had been difficult.  
I had to understand a thousand things about this situation, avoid panic stopping the already active thoughts of them and find a way to focus on the following lessons.  
Five o’clock arrives quickly and now I  
found myself standing in front of his door looking for the courage to enter.  
I did not have it. I turn around and walk towards the exit.

Robbe POV

I knew  
That it was him and that he was hesitating behind that door; it would have happened to me too. I did not blame him.  
But seeing that he was leaving...it made my heart ache.  
I open the office door  
"Mr. Driesen I'm here excuse me maybe I didn't hear a knock"  
The secretary doesn't pay much attention to the two of us: I have been saying his name in my head for hours: Sander, the wonderful guy who has scrumbled my life in a few moments turns around and comes back to me.   
I close the door and hug him from behind:   
"Do you really want to give up?"  
"To what?"  
"To us"  
"And the consequences?"  
"And if there weren't any?"  
I hear Sander laughs and seems slightly more relaxed.  
"I told Noor this morning. Same words."  
"You see? I am right then: I owe a lot to that girl. She gave me the cue to come to you..."  
I detached myself from him with a fatigue that I did not believe  
"now I really have some things to tell you about your work but then let's talk. Do you have problems staying late?"  
His smile repays me for the worry of before  
"No problem"  
"Then let's go"

When the secretary comes in, she finds us on the floor with sheets and charcoal sketches: I had a pencil in between the  
hands and Sander some photocopies.

"Professor I would go"  
"No problem Carla, we just need an hour or so and then we go out.  
"Good evening"  
His face was full of compassion for the poor student who had to endure the recommendations of the new professor until late.  
It was fine like that.

"Okay,  
Now is the time to rearrange everything and I leave it to you to put them back in chronological order.  
I will check the mail and go for a coffee. Do you want?"  
"Yes, thanks"  
"Robbe"  
"Thanks Robbe"

My heart was bursting. Finally some time to spend without thinking about data, dates and proportions.  
The coffee was probably hot in my hands, but I was so absorbed that I could not perceive it.

Sander had fixed everything and walked around with slow and elegant steps in the office.   
"I had never realized how big it was.

I put coffee on the desk and reach him: "it's not big, it depends on how you position things".  
"True”  
I rest my chin on his shoulder.   
I feel his body react to the contact...  
"I am sorry that things between us must  
be so uphill. But that can't stop us from trying".  
"I'm not worried about me Robbe. At most I have to repeat the final exam: you would lose credibility. I do not know if I am ready to be the cause of this".

I gently grab his arms as I would with a crystal vase: I hold his face and stay like that for a while, trying to open the damn door that scares him so much. And I know that's not all we talk about, I know because someone told me about it.

"Remember that Driesen is a very good student but you must organize your work with him well because you may not see him for weeks. He is bipolar and sometimes he doesn't show up: I leave you the medical documents attached to the email".

Was that worrying me? Not even remotely. 

"Sander, tell me what is really bothering you. It can't just be this story about my career. I might know it, but it is you who must tell me".

Sander moves in with violence.   
"What do you want Robbe to say, that I am a freak show? That sometimes my head makes me do stupid things? That I often go into depression and spend days in bed as if I were dead?"

I take a deep breath so that I can talk in the quietest way I know:  
"You think you are like that?"

"Don't play the psychologist with me professor."

Calm doesn't help but I have another ace up my sleeve.   
Sander is throwing more than one huge skeleton out of his closet  
"I don't want pity and I don't want you to feel obliged to be with a mental patient. Yesterday was the best night ever for me, but if today you know who and what I am, then for me ..."  
I approach

"For you what?"  
Sander cries with anger 

"For me you..."  
"I... “  
I take him by the hips like the night before and carry him next to me:  
The bones of his pelvis rest on mine and I talk to him less than an inch from his ear.  
"What Sander... do you want me to stop? “

Sander has his eyes closed   
"What do you want Sander to do?"

Sander opens his eyes wide  
"I want you to learn to love me even if I am made of a thousand messed up pieces.  
I want to shout to people how much  
I am in love without feeling compelled to justify myself. I want to try to be happy once in a lifetime without having to pick up a pencil and a piece of paper to do it.

And saying this, caressing my face, he goes out and leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to say thank you❤️ What about next chapters?   
> Who knows?


	4. Mornings like that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I little gift for you ❤️

Sander POV

I promised myself that I would sleep until Monday.  
But what had happened last night in Robbe's office had buzzed in my head all night long.  
When I turn on my cell phone on my way to the kitchen, Noor's call comes before I can see the rest of the messages.

"Sander, are you crazy? Don't try to make me worry so much, okay?"  
"Sorry Noor... night of thoughts..."  
"Aren't you ok?"  
"It's not that. I talked to Robbe"  
"The Professor"  
"Yes"  
"Tell me”  
"Noor you Know, he has the ability to make me feel accepted despite everything. It is not normal. I think he feels pity for me"  
"Sander. But is it possible that you just can't reason? Listen: we  
accepted you right? Why can't a man you like do it?"

"To hell with Noor. “  
"Come on Sander, spit it out."  
"I'm afraid to be happy okay? Because if ... if it doesn't work out for me..."  
"Enjoy things as long as there are Sander, don't think about their end... You told me that yourself 24 hours ago... give yourself a chance..."

The bell is ringing  
"Noor did you come here?"  
"No I'm waiting for my boyfriend"  
"But then who is it?"  
“....”  
"Noor I'll call you later...yes...see you later...bye...""

I put the phone down and look at the door  
"Did you know that a professor has the data of all his students?"  
His smile is something they should give as a medicine for people who are down in the dumps because it warms and calms them down.  
And I can no longer stay away from it 

"Robbe"  
"You didn't let me answer your monologue yesterday."  
The more I look at him the more I don't understand what the hell he's still wasting his time on me.  
"Can I come in?"  
I open the door to let him in  
"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom."  
"Don't try to run away"

I would have liked to have done that.  
I refresh myself quickly and stop for a few seconds to look in the mirror.  
"Sander, you can do it. Everything will be fine. Just remember to breathe".

When I leave he is leaning against the kitchen door.  
"Do you live here alone?  
"It is a family apartment, my grandparents lived here. When I came in the first year it was completely different, I customized it and continue to do so. Afterwards... when the acute phase of my episodes passes, taking care of the house helps me regain contact with reality".

"Do you manage your own episodes?"  
Breathing. I just have to breathe  
"Usually yes, the last cure seems to work and by now I have learned to listen to its signals. My friends help me a lot and my family also".

Robbe approaches.  
"Do you feel like listening to me? “  
"Yes...I believe"  
"Sander: not ..."  
I am blocked by terror. I am not like that but when it comes to feelings my illness makes me terribly insecure, and with Robbe this insecurity is as powerful as what I feel for him.  
I have to stop him.  
"Wait. You're not leaving me, are you?"  
He approaches. He looks at me.  
He takes my face in his hands and starts kissing every inch of it and between kisses he starts talking again:  
"I came here to tell you that I am not leaving, that I am not afraid and that I am madly in love with you."  
My arms cling to his neck:  
"Sander... “  
"I don't think I can do without you any more, I've never felt anything like this...I'm not like that, but the idea of losing you for who I am is suffocating everything else...".  
We hold on tight, Robbe goes along with the  
my desires, and this is the first time that I feel safe and so tiredness takes the place of insecurity.

My arms slide towards his hands and I take him with me to my room.  
"Robbe: I have to sleep, or I won't be able to come to class on Monday...will you stay with me while I sleep?"  
"I will not move from here"  
Robe kisses me: if it wasn't for the tiredness, that kiss would surely have turned into much more.  
I fall asleep in less than 5 minutes in the arms of my angel, wrapped in his warmth. 

Robbe POV 

Seeing him rest even from his thoughts has something cathartic about it.  
This beautiful creature, with a thousand facets and not fragments as he calls them, really has the characteristics of a God and I love them all. All of them.  
Without distinction. And while I feel that he holds me tightly to himself still at the mercy of deep sleep, I feel that this need to be close to him will never be exhausted.

"When you wake up I will tell you a few things and you will understand why you can trust me and what I feel.  
Have beautiful dreams. Give yourself serenity and I will be here waiting for you".

Sander's whispering and regular breathing also takes me into that world of dreams, made on purpose to recover my energy after a troubled night.


	5. The villa

Sander POV

I open my eyes and I realize that the light in the room is soft: there are no noises to remind me what I was doing before I fell asleep, but then my brain starts working again and puts all the sensations into action: I can smell his hair, I can feel his breath and I can feel his arms wrapping me exactly the way I like it.  
"Robbe"  
I can tell in a sigh  
"I'm here"  
His voice, and the words he pronounces make me fly  
"Can I turn around?"  
Robbe loosens his embrace and I have the chance to look my angel in the eyes again.  
"For a minute I thought it was a dream"  
Robbe rests his mouth on my neck  
"And instead?"  
"You are here, real and beautiful"  
"Never as much as you"

After drinking and eating something, Robbe comes up to me and says:  
"Can I show you something?"  
"Sure"  
He shows me a necklace with a plaque: at first I don't understand, then he tells me :  
"Read"

My eyes open wide.  
I had been a selfish idiot.

"It's a plaque for epileptic people"  
"Exactly"  
He approaches and takes my hand  
"You don't have to be afraid of what nature has decided you had and above all not to feel lonely. You are not. Not even when you want to be.  
Now that you know that even my head sometimes could explode, what has changed?"  
"Apart from that I feel like a total idiot? Robbe, I want to be with you no matter what you have".

He smiles.  
"So can I do it too?"

I smile. Me and him. No matter what.  
"Professor. You can do what you want."  
"Don't instigate me Driesen, I have a plan for the next few hours."

Robbe calls a cab and takes me to a place out of town.  
The villa is closed but he seems to have the keys.  
"It's not mine but of a lady to whom I gave some anatomy lessons for a book she was writing: I did it with pleasure and didn't want to pay for it and to thank me she gives me the possibility to use the villa when she is abroad. 

"It is beautiful. Decadent style but well kept..."  
"Yes...the Lady left yesterday. Only a few professionals come here to keep the garden tidy while she's not here... and until tomorrow evening we could stay here..."  
"This is a magical place...of course I want to stay here, but now..."

Robbe POV

Sander approaches me: the insecurity he was feeling just before seems to have disappeared: he doesn't speak, but he slowly undresses me.  
Then he takes a step back and does the same to himself. When he comes close to me again,  
I can barely hear the last words he says that exactly reflect my thoughts:  
"Enough talk now, I've been kissing you for almost a whole day..."

I think that if I had to find a word to describe our story it would be "to find each other"...  
Because our first meeting was also a reunion: me in his eyes and him in mine. 

After hours of love where our only thought was to make each other happy, I couldn't stop caressing him.

"It got dark"  
I say without thinking  
"Our first time was at sunset... more romantic than that..."  
Sander knew how to see poetry everywhere  
and when I point it out to him he puts his head on my chest and manages to say something wonderful:  
"We together are poetry, and your heart ... it too is poetry, the most beautiful, because it means that you exist"

The more time went by the more I understood why I was attracted to him: sure the sexy rocker air helped, but I knew, I knew that he was... my him.

We spent the night as tight as possible, aware that we still had a whole day to be together without thoughts.  
"Do you notice when your crisis comes?"  
Sander asks me suddenly.  
"Not always. Almost never.  
They offered me to get a dog because they can feel the vibrations of the crisis before the patient...  
I haven't done it yet, I wanted to wait to settle down with work... I don't feel anything during the crisis, but the frying brain needs to calm down or the consequences could be devastating; that's why I also follow a therapy; I haven't had a crisis for more than six months now. I am careful, I try not to stay too many days under stress and for the moment it works".

"How long have you had epilepsy?"  
"You mean the first crisis? I was 17. 10  
Days of hospital to understand and then the verdict. You instead?"

Sander puts his legs crossed:  
"Since always. But the first worrying episode I had with the beginning of adolescence. I felt like a fool, then I learned to hate myself in silence... I have signs but I don't always get them. And when I was younger I didn't want to catch them. And I lived as a normal person.  
When I had the depressive episode  
more serious, I learned with the help of the psychologist to take care of me without giving up being in a group..."

"That's why the water at the club"  
"Yes exactly. One beer at a concert and nothing moves. Apart from thoughts, I can never stop them. Except when I'm with you."

"Then we'll have to do something to keep this balance."

I make it fall on me. His perfect nose caresses my sprinkling of freckles out in the sun; and we begin to enjoy the presence of our bodies so perfectly in tune from the first moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my family has to cope with epilepsy... but I try to describe it in a very soft way.   
> ❤️❤️❤️


	6. Oblivion

Sander POV

We say goodbye to the villa. Everyone will take a different taxi. We will see each other in a few hours and yet this detachment is so painful to make noise. And bad.

I arrive home and I would love to take a shower but there is a very angry Noor waiting for me.  
"Give me a good explanation so I don't punch you."  
I laugh out loud and when I stop I simply say to her  
"I spent the weekend with Robbe."

Noor leaves his anger behind in a second and throws herself on me  
"I knew it, I knew it, I knew I'd do well to throw him in your arms!!!!!! I'm so happy"  
I tell her nothing and bask in her happiness which is also mine  
We talk about mine and her weekend and get to the Plane tree from the others

Mondays follow one another and the weeks go on without too many problems: Robbe and I write each other long messages and we call each other in the evening to say good night: it's not what I was hoping for but we are trying hard not to create rumors and then every weekend we stay together and in that moment the world becomes a small blurred dot. 

That day the professor passes in front of the plane tree: he greets us as he greets everyone else: it's me who is struggling to swallow.  
He takes a few steps and then turns towards me...  
"Mr. Driesen, I found a couple of documents that you might need: can you follow me and I'll make copies?"

I'll follow him and say hello to the others.  
We pass Carla smiling at us: I notice it because it had never happened before. But I knew she was a nice lady, so why wouldn't she have done it? 

We get to the door and Robbe doesn't stop explaining to me the documents and their publication and the author and the related works... I think Robbe got into the part too much because he keeps talking even while he pulls my backpack away and starts playing with my lips:  
"Hello Driesen"  
"Hello to you Professor... " I find it hard to talk while he tickles my neck with kisses and caresses...  
"Robbe... I missed you... so much..."  
"You too ..."  
"Do we have plans for the weekend? I might have to play Friday, but after that I'll be free..."

Robbe looks at the door, maybe he heard a noise: he pulls himself together and hands me the papers and says goodbye.  
"I'll explain later Sander, trust me, OK?"  
"Are you OK?"  
"Under pressure but you're not the reason... the reason is..."

And as he hands me the papers a girl comes in like a fury.  
"Professor, why don't you ever invite me into your office..."  
"I don't invite all students, only those who need help for the final exam. Driesen is everything clear?"  
"Yes, of course Professor, very clear: I'll send it to you by the weekend..."

"Now kids if not  
Sorry I have work to do"  
As I go out I look at him and I notice that he looks tired... as if he is having trouble sleeping.

Carla smiles at me the opposite way he looks at the girl.....  
I notice out of the corner of my eye that she drops some papers on purpose:  
"Sander would you be so kind as to help me?"  
"Sure Carla"

As soon as the girl leaves the building Carla takes me aside:  
"Take care of Robbe... that girl is driving him crazy.  
She even asked the dean if he could become his tutor.  
Thank God the dean refused the request.  
But she won't give up and risks hurting you."

"Carla but you..."  
"Do I know that you two are in love? Nothing escapes me boy. You're good, really, but not good enough for me  
And I like you two so much and you're so cute together...I don't want you to get hurt."

"How long has this been going on?"  
"Around the time he arrived, she didn't give him a break... but he didn't give in one step... it must be so tiring for him."

Suddenly I remember what he said at the villa and I am worried that his state of health might be affected.  
I am worried but in order not to burden him with stress I decide to say goodbye to Carla and to go to class with the others.  
I was going to talk about it with Noor and Robbe that same evening.

Noor immediately activated the search mode and understood the girl but did not know her name.  
"What do you think you are doing Sander?"  
"For the moment just talk to Robbe, then we'll find a solution."

"Do you remember when I was talking about snakes? This girl is one of the worst: she would trample anyone to get what she wants... she's not in love, I'm sure, it's a competition for her. Be careful. Please be careful. The semester is almost over."  
Noor is shaking. I know why, she experienced the same thing and it didn't end well.  
I'm trying to calm her down:  
"Hey Noor... We're going to make it. We have to keep using our brains as we have done so far."

When I say goodbye to Noor I close the door and call Robbe right away.  
"Honey, why Skipe?"  
"Because I want to make sure you sleep tonight... we'll stay connected and I'll watch over your sleep. It's my turn tonight.”  
"Sander... “  
"We are a couple Robbe, we must support each other. I can stay up one night. One, no more, but you need to rest: why didn't you say anything to me?"  
"Because I thought I could solve it. I thought it was a crush like any other. But it's turning into an obsession and I'm starting to get scared that she will do something stupid."

We keep talking about something else, I slow down the rhythm of the words and slowly Robbe closes his wonderful eyes: I watch him sleep for more than an hour: his breath connected with mine, his heart beating...  
Then I give in to tiredness too: I let the sleep come light so that I wake up quickly if my angel needs me.

ROBBE POV

It is night when I open my eyes wide. Sander sleeps on the other side of the screen and I know I can't make noise.  
My phone is full of messages from her.  
She won't let go of me.  
Not even after I tell her I'm gay.  
It is inevitable to think that I am just a trophy, but how to make her stop?  
I'll have to talk to the dean and that  
He won't like what I have to say.

The morning comes and Sander wakes up: I don't pretend to be asleep but I lie about how long I have slept.

We say goodbye knowing that in exactly three hours we would be there.  
Seen in the classroom.  
It was Thursday and just before the weekend, our weekend.

I enter the classroom and say hello as usual, but the audio is muffled and I imagine it is the  
sleep deprivation.  
The lesson continues and I realize in an instant that my right hand is making strange shots: I turn around, time to look Sander in the eyes and explain everything to him: I can see that he is getting up and I am engulfed in oblivion. Black and silent.


	7. Graduation

SANDER POV

A month was missing.  
One damn month and we would have been happy.  
Forever.  
Instead the world stopped and became giant and very heavy when I saw Robbe lose his beautiful irises and fall dead weight on the  
floor.  
Seeing him banging and drooling at the mouth didn't impress me at the moment:  
I knew what to do, I knew it because since each of us had special needs, we helped each other. Documenting ourselves and helping us to understand what to do in the presence of a crisis of one or the other: I knew that I would have to free him from the furniture that could hurt him, try to check where his tongue was positioned despite his tight mouth and immediately call for help.  
They take him away while he is still unconscious. Carla is beside me and holds my hand silently, while Noor cries, I don't know if it's for Robbe or for me anymore.

I see the girl trying to get into the ambulance.  
Her anger is stronger than her head.  
I get closer and move her.  
"Where do you think you are going?"  
"What do you want?"  
"I want you to leave him alone."  
At this point nothing would stop me, I was a river in flood:  
"In case you hadn't noticed, there's a person in there who's suffering from epilepsy and probably had a seizure because he's been stalked since September by a crazy woman who thinks she can have anything she sees."  
"Who are you? I'm not even..."  
"Like I'm what?"  
Carla steps in:  
"Mr. Driesen is a sort of collaborator of the professor, since he's preparing an excellent final exam."  
The girl looks at me with an air of challenge, but I don't give up.  
"Eclipsed viper"

I don't think we'll see her again for a while.  
I need to get some air: I say goodbye to Carla with a kiss on the cheek, I take Noor by the hand and we go out.  
Everyone is around the plane tree, so we get closer:

"Sander."  
"Tell me"  
"We know, we know"  
I raise my head a little confused  
"What?"  
"Come on, you and the professor. Why didn't you tell us?"

I put my hands as if I wanted to stop thinking: "I have no excuse, I'm sorry. I thought I was protecting everyone but I risked messing up."

Noor takes me and says:  
"Let's go"  
"Where?"  
"At your boyfriend's. We all come to each other so we're less conspicuous."

When we arrive they tell us that he is stable, tired but awake.  
"Is there anyone among you called Sander?"  
I come forward.  
"Robbe is waiting for you"

I go in and find him pale but with his usual wonderful smile.  
There are no contraindications other than the attention for an I.V. in his arm that seems to have to be finished soon.  
I can't wait and I swoop into his arms.  
He accepts the hug and we stay like this for a while.  
"How are you?"  
I ask him.  
"Fine, tired but fine. I'm sorry."  
He doesn't have to apologize for anything, for nothing.  
"How much I like being hugged  
to you." I say to him.  
He holds me as tightly as he can and  
says  
"Sander, I have something to tell you. When  
I realised that I wouldn't win with that chick, and that my strengths were reduced to a minimum, I decided that I should talk to the rector. I told him everything. Even about you and me."

I was shocked  
"Robbe... missing a month... “  
He seeks my gaze:  
"I couldn't take it anymore, I hate lying...but he appreciated my honesty and nothing will happen. In the end in a month I would have finished my mandate anyway; he asked me for discretion until the end of my mandate and of course I accepted.  
The girl will be followed by other professors and by obe psychologist"

"One month..."  
"Four weeks"  
"And then we'll be free"  
"Yes..."

They would have discharged him in a few hours and I had little time before he could discover my plans: we accompany him home all in a group so as not to be conspicuous and then slowly my friends leave us alone. The concert had been cancelled and I had almost three days to dedicate to him.  
And we had to sleep. Make love and sleep a lot and make love. This is what our weekend would have been like

ROBBE POV

Last day: day for senior year students to draw conclusions with the final exam:  
I had 10 guys in front of me all very tense.  
Also my student of the heart.  
The rector took part in all the discussions: impeccable and silent but at the same time attentive and meticulous: he wrote down everything on a small piece of yellowish paper.

When Sander begins to  
exposing, my heart seems to loose control of my heartbeats: I know it doesn't need help and I know it will be fine but to  
Devil how hard it is to see him and  
I’m having to play the tough guy too.  
He finishes and it feels like we both have crossed the desert on foot.  
The rector after having established with all of us the grades for leaving the academy decides to do  
One speech and we remain stunned because the rector is not famous for his loquacity

"We have always called you sir or madam to keep your distance, but now that the  
Path is over I would like to speak to you with the affection you deserve: it will be difficult boys and girls to continue without this working group: you have been responsible and enthusiastic and you have been supportive for others and tenacious with yourselves: your final works deserve to be read by the insiders.  
In particular I would like to congratulate Sander: you did an outstanding job, you and the professor collaborated professionally and attentively, I can only be impressed by the high quality of your examination.  
And professor?"

He turns to me, who was already gloating over the compliments Sander deserved.

"You are a man. You are a professor and you have behaved like a man and a professional in these complicated months.  
I would like to ask you to stay and continue your collaboration with the academy.  
And now, since the walls know it too, you can stop playing the professor and run and congratulate your fiancé".

I remain of stone for a few seconds but I don't intend to process what he said: I listen and run to Sander and I embrace him with tears that wet his jacket.  
A new chapter began, in which there was finally an us.  
I felt the desire to plan for a future.  
And the desire to go on holiday with my handsome new graduate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one was the last chapter of this story.  
> Don’t hesitate to write me your feeling abouT it!!!
> 
> Sorry but work and real life slow down my updates... love you all!!!!


	8. Our party

"Where are we going?"  
"To a party"  
"Why am I blindfolded?"  
"Because it's your party..."  
"Did I ever tell you Sander that I hate the  
Surprises?"  
"Mmmm no, but if you want I tell you that I am dressed like our first meeting."  
"Really?"  
"I don't have the black vest but the effect is the same, Noor's word"  
"If Noor says so I trust her. Is there much missing?"

I had stopped talking because I was too excited: we had been great and the final effect was exactly what I expected. 

When we arrived I let him in through the iron gate and took off his blindfold: the Villa that had seen us protagonists of the beginning of our story, was decorated with white drapes and on the lawn around the pool also in Art Deco, white tablecloths full of every good of God prepared by all of us:   
The huge pic nic with all the people who loved us, all of them, even Carla, our accomplice of the heart.  
Noor had coordinated everything and was a beautiful fairy in her white fluttering dress.  
The music was a mix of what we like the most  
Everyone liked to listen and play and everyone was dressed in white, except us two.  
I took him by the hand and told him everything we had done and organized in the past few days.  
"Can you say something?"  
"Sander... it's too much..."  
"Nothing is too much for you: look what our love has created, look around you: I find it beautiful..."

Robbe looks at me with shiny eyes and caresses my face up to my chin: he lifts my face and tells me  
"You're the best gift that could ever happen to me."

I bring him before the party starts in earnest in a small secluded place among the trees in the garden I hold his hands and I know I have to tell him this for a long time:

"Robbe , do you remember when  
I tell you that I have learned to hate what I am in silence? I have always overestimated my illness, making it the focal point of my existence. Every time I tried to ignore it, I did so by jeopardizing my health.   
And when I grew up I learned to manage my habits, I forgot to cultivate my self-esteem.  
What I want to say is that   
Since I met you Robbe, my life has changed: not only have I discovered how unique and wonderful it can be to be close to you, but you have taught me to really love me.   
Being with you does not complete my existence, being with you enriches mine. Every day more and more".

Robbe squeezes my hands tightly and starts crying. 

"Wait there's one last thing I have to tell you is that I haven't told you yet".  
I take a deep breath:   
"I love you Robbe. I love you and there is no more beautiful purpose of my life than to love you, to support you and to take care of your happiness, which will inevitably be my happiness, ours too".

Robbe can't speak but he pulls me to himself and holds me tight, he's really pining, I can feel it from his shoulder which is getting wet and from his breath, made of little sobs.  
While we are hugged he tries to talk  
"You... I've been waiting for you for a long time... I was waiting for the person who would take my heart by the hand: I love you too and I will be damn happy if we are together. You and I. Always."

The party begins with music, food, dancing, laughter... then I took in my hand the guitar and we sing old songs, often with crippled lyrics.

When we are alone, after having arranged the whole garden with the help of the others, he and I go on our way home:  
"I would like to take the car and  
Going to the sea to see the sunrise"  
"Can we do it before we pass by your house? Maybe we'll freshen up a bit".

When we open the door we found Noor who like a modern fairy without saying anything kisses us and runs away".  
"What was Noor doing in my house?"

I look at him a little embarrassed:   
"Well... she came to check my gift"

On the couch curled up, a puppy dog slept blissfully:   
"He is a puppy but in a few weeks we will take him to his first lesson to learn how to feel and manage epileptic seizures... I hope I haven't been intrusive..."

"Sander... God but how can you be so wonderfully attentive to me? It is a  
Wonderful gift...what I did to deserve  
All this attention?"

"The puppy is called Rebel and I love to fill you with attention...and knowing you with him Makes me able to leave you alone without worrying too much...at least until..."

Robbe grimaces at me   
"Could only have something related to David Bowie eh? And then ... until what?"

I take a breath, I didn't imagine having to face this conversation so soon, while Robbe starts scratching Rebel's hairy tummy.

"Until we are ready to go one step further."

"Are you talking about living together Driesen?"  
"I'm talking about living together, yes... but I don't want to force things."

Robbe stops pampering the dog and approaches me: he takes me by the hips, a movement that has become natural for us.   
Our way of belonging, of becoming one person.

"Sander... there is no better moment or not... there is the moment when we both want it..."

I look down and stare at his chest:  
"And do you want it or do you prefer to leave it that way?"

Robbe kisses me. Slowly. The slowest kiss we have ever given.   
He rubs his nose against mine and smiling he says to me:  
"Sander there is no such thing  
That I would like more in the world than to live with you. Starting from Now. I know it from the first time we kissed. I have known it since I realized that you were the person to build a future with.  
And you have confirmed it to me every day and again tonight, giving me Rebel, which will be part of our life from now on".

We had arrived at the favorite point of every love story: the point where we shared most of the time and I could not stand it anymore.

"So Sander, you and Rebel and I will go to your apartment tomorrow and go to your apartment and we’ll take all your things."

I throw myself on the  
Sofa carrying Robbe and making Rebel jump from the sofa to the carpet.

As in the most beautiful fairy tales, we knew that best is yet to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I can't stay away from this place so... this is the first chapter of my new story...  
> Hope you‘ll enjoy the ride!!!  
> love you all and your support <3


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